Magnetism & Motherhood
Trigger warning: This letter contains my story of miscarriage.
The Divine Feminine in each of us continues to call us to healing, to the inward journey, to honoring our highest nature above all else. A healthy expression of feminine energy opens up major magnetism for drawing in inspiration; it creates an inner garden in which to seed, cultivate & grow our highest dreams, the ultimate expressions of our gifts & talents. In my work with loads of women & in my own life, I've noticed that a pattern of taking other people's baggage into our second chakra, into our womb, chokes out our own creative energy, our own safe space for mothering our inner child & our highest unicorn dreams. How are we supposed to birth our dreams if there is nowhere energetically for them to grow? How can we teach our inner child that we, as their mother, are making it safe in our world for them to be vulnerable & play? How can we have healthy bodies & relationships to our cycles when we are clogged with others' pain & emotions? I remember when I realized I was allowing my body & wombspace to be a trash dump for others' wounds & problems. I was so empathic in my gifts & also co-dependent that I would take on others' emotions as my own in order to avoid my own pain & healing work. I spent many years consuming my fertile creative power in overgiving to others, denying myself rest, my power, my attention, my self love. I had no emotional space for healing myself. No energy. No creativity. And a uterus plagued by cysts & painful periods that couldn't carry a pregnancy. When I miscarried 5 years ago, I gave birth to my own inner mother. She was enraged, in pain & empowered to make sure I learned to heal myself. That was the most powerful & grief filled experience of my life. I spent hours in that in between space of birthing & exited that night with empty arms & an energetically & physically empty womb that needed so much healing. I spent 9 months in postpartum depression that I didn't even realize was depression until it shifted. I spent those months doing Reiki & womb/vaginal massage with frankincense oil on myself, along with deep work with my beloved parents, my mentor, plant & animal guides, practicing meditation & yoga, cultivating a moment to moment commitment to healing my body & spirit. I healed my womb physically, emotionally & spiritually. When I went to the doctor 10 months later, the cysts were gone. They've never returned. My periods are now my time for closeness with my heart, body & needs. They're a time of personal power & rest. I love those days of purposeful giving to myself every month. The miscarriage birthed my inner mother warrior goddess & she is relentless. She won't let me go. I have never looked back, deeply dedicated to my healing ever since. A wombspace clear of emotional baggage, our own or someone else's, is like a magnetic vacuum, drawing in all beautiful dreams & inspirations. I imagine my second chakra as a powerful magnet, calling in everything that is for me & repelling that which belongs to others. We use our intuition, heart & inner wisdom to discern which seeds to cultivate within & which to send onwards to other gardens. When the time comes, we birth new versions of ourselves, new creative projects, new beauty, new growth for the healing of ourselves, our children & our world. The Divine Feminine is receptive, magnetic, watchful, & the space of the womb & second chakra are available to be filled. Filled with love. Peace. Creative energy. Passion. Fertility. Or filled with hate. Other people's energy. Stagnancy. Trauma. Only we can fully understand our own needs, meet them & heal ourselves from the inside out. We don't do it alone; we need one another. And there are some parts of the healing road we walk alone, guided by the inner light, the inner calling to keep placing one foot in front of the other, drawing all power & beauty to us with each step forward, in the footsteps of all women who have walked before us. May your feet be guided into ever deeper levels of magnetic love & creativity, with loads of space for grief & endless grace in your boundaries. I'd love to talk & support you as you walk. Reach out any time.